December 2011
4 posts
+ VS -
J: “I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
S: That Janeane Garofalo line is pretty good. It reminds me of a joke about how optimists and pessimists should compromise and agree that the glass is half full...of piss.
“What is toodleloo?”
– the spaniard
His mom
G: Do you know who my mom finds the sexiest?
J: Who?
G: Hannibal Lecter.
J: You mean, Anthony Hopkins?
G: No. The character, Hannibal Lecter.
J: ...
G: I told her that he eats people but she says that's just a minor detail.
Brunch Reservations
Hostess: If less than 75% of your party shows up, you'll be charged an additional $10 per head.
Him: So we just need 7 and 1/2 people?
Hostess: ...yes...
She: Where are we going to find half a body?
Him: In my pants.