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Jan
21st
Sat
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Mango Edition of Zico

  • Mar: Would anybody want the rest of this?
  • Linda: (sips) Ech, it tastes like ass.
  • Mar: I thought it tasted like blood.
  • Linda: Emily, wanna try?
  • Emily: Oh definitely. Like I want to drink bloody ass.
Jan
15th
Sun
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terrysdiary: When GOD Made Me He Was Just Showing Off.

terrysdiary:

When GOD Made Me He Was Just Showing Off.

Jan
11th
Wed
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Look at that moustache. You look like a dirtbag. No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.
— Ale’s mom on ‘stache
Dec
24th
Sat
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+ VS -

  • J: “I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
  • S: That Janeane Garofalo line is pretty good. It reminds me of a joke about how optimists and pessimists should compromise and agree that the glass is half full...of piss.
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What is toodleloo?
— the spaniard
Dec
16th
Fri
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His mom

  • G: Do you know who my mom finds the sexiest?
  • J: Who?
  • G: Hannibal Lecter.
  • J: You mean, Anthony Hopkins?
  • G: No. The character, Hannibal Lecter.
  • J: ...
  • G: I told her that he eats people but she says that's just a minor detail.
Dec
9th
Fri
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Brunch Reservations

  • Hostess: If less than 75% of your party shows up, you'll be charged an additional $10 per head.
  • Him: So we just need 7 and 1/2 people?
  • Hostess: ...yes...
  • She: Where are we going to find half a body?
  • Him: In my pants.
Nov
16th
Wed
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Aaw. All the sperm got on her tail but none in her hole! =(
— Matthew on his rabbits
Nov
10th
Thu
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  • Kim's idea of a hippie, apparently, was a white man over 45 not in a business suit. In Brooklyn we would have just said loser.
Nov
9th
Wed
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Stumptown

  • J: Portland is one of the greenest cities.
  • L: Because there are no Chinese people there?